From the Rabbi's Study
OBSERVING THE "HOLY" DAY OF THE MOTHER, IN JEWISH!
May 2004

Every once in a while, the confluence of Jewish and "mainstream culture" holidays, either secular or Christian, inspire reflection. A few obvious ones come to mind, such as Passover and Easter, Hannukah and Christmas, Rosh Hashanah and Labor Day. Less obvious ones include the commemoration the birth and death dates of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, or the overlapping of Purim with St. Patrick's Day.

Nonetheless, we are all overwhelmingly guided by the secular/Gregorian divisions of time, which are not only "solar powered," but driven by commercial, Christian, and other influences that we may not consciously or willingly desire as primary ones in our lives. Yet, whether or not we celebrate any of the many civic/holy dates on the calendar, our work, school, holiday and vacation rythms are governed by them.

Is this benign or insidious? One thought comes to mind: actually, it mirrors the effect of the Jewish/lunar calendar in our lives as liberal Jews living in two civilizations. We are beholden to the dates attached to months with ancient Babylonian and biblical names, like Nisan, Tishrey, Tammuz and Heshvan. Most Jews what holidays they like to celebrate, and roughly what time of year they take place, but not necessarily how to integrate them securely, as the intersection with the Gregorian calendar is so variable.

A simple example is the difference between Passover, or any festival, taking place on a weekday versus a weekend. It makes a huge difference in how we are able to approach preparations, juggle work schedules, children's school and extra-curricular activities, and our other projects and commitments.

Similarly, and on a more ongoing basis, how we approach Shabbat often depends upon what else is on the calendar - both privately and publicly/civily. For me Shabbat on vacation, quite literally, in another sphere, is an altered experience from Shabbat at home. This is a conscious choice, and one that I enjoy.

So, how can we enjoy and embrace these competing influences? This month's secular holiday presents a great opportunity for integration, particularly if you are inclined to reject, or scorn, the commercial overtones of Mother's Day! First of all, there is no set "liturgy" or ritual expectation - unless you consider fllowers or Sunday brunch to be obligatory!

Appreciating our parents is, of course, in the realm of mitzvot in the classic sense of the word, an obligation. There is much commentary and debate about what the fourth commandment - Honor your father and your mother - entails. Providing love and affection, nmost commentators agree, is actually not commanded, or command-able! But caring for the physical needs of our parents it, along with the mutual obligation that parents have for children.

So perhaps this month's secular date, along with the parallel one next month, can become a personal or family opportunity to take matters in hand, and choose a compelling, meaningful way to celebrate this essential bond. Study a Jewish text that talks about the fourth commandment, or one of the short rabbinic passages on it. Try www.jewishfamily.com, and check out their archived articles on Mother's Day and Father's Day. When you send a card, make that call, or share a meal, offer a blessing - perhaps the shehecheyanu, celebrating the first occasion of that date for the year. Think of them when you recite the first blessing of the amidah on the Shabbat closest to the secular date. Remember on whose shoulders you stand!

May the celebration of our ancestors, those still with us, those long and recently gone, and those whom we hold up as the forebearers of our tradition, be a year-round blessing for us all.